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Holiday times, normally associated with family and friends, can be a painful reminder for people grieving the loss of someone special. There will be unexpected rushes of emotion, and sadness will prevail no matter how long ago the loss occurred. That's the thing with grief - the intense pain may pass but missing the person is with you forever.
Below are some guidelines which may help you.
1. The thought of spending the holidays without your loved one is the worst part. So think ahead as to what you will do for the holidays and who you will spend time with. Accept things will be different now, there is no point in pretending otherwise.
2. You may choose to not acknowledge that particular holiday and instead, spend a quiet day at home alone. Family and friends will worry, but if you ask them to bring you a plate of food from ther Christmas lunch, for example, that will go a long way in reassuring them that you are alright.
3. Consider starting new traditions but before you do, get input from the rest of the family. They have also experienced the loss and want to be involved. Respect each other's feelings and the fact that people express their grief differently.
4. Be realistic about what you can and can't do. As far as possible decline invitations where you feel any sort of obligation.
5. Be kind to yourself and take things slowly, going one day at a time. Eating nutritious meals regularly and resting when you need to, is essential for you, especially if you are expected to be the "strong" one.
6. Don't force yourself to get into the holiday spirit if that's not what you want to do. If you want to cry, do so. Tears are part of the healing process.
7. The opposite also applies. If you find you are enjoying yourself, do not feel guilty. The person who died would be happy to see you smiling instead of suffering.
8. When spending time with close friends and family, mention your loved one's name because talking and sharing stories is very healing. It is remarkable that amidst tears and sadness there can also be humour.
9. Light a candle in honour and remembrance of your loved one over the holidays. It will remind you of the love that lives on in your heart.
10. When my father died we arranged with our local botanical society to have a wooden bench with an inscription "In loving memory of ..." to be set up beside a pretty water feature in the park. My father always loved the tranquility of this lake and it's surrounding gardens. Now when I sit and admire the water rippling over the rocks, even though it's many years later, the bench is a tangible reminder of my dad's presence.
Grief takes time. There is no doubt that the holidays can be a particularly difficult period in which to manage the grief. I hope some of these suggestions will be of help you.
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Feel free to reprint this article in its entirety without changing the content and include this box. For more on coping with grief visit us at http://InspiringDevotional.com
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