"How to ease the pain of grief by using this one simple strategy"

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ARTICLE ARCHIVE

23 Ways to cope with grief

Your grief and your way of dealing with it will be unique to you.  Textbooks talk about the stages of grief - denial, anger, depression and self pity, bargaining and acceptance.  But when someone you love dies, that textbook knowledge is meaningless.

Your feelings run rampant.  The grieving process does not flow in an orderly way.  At times, for no apparent reason, you regress.  Do not be alarmed.  That is normal and it won't last long.

Although eventually you seem to heal, you and your life are never the same again.  You don't get over the loss.  You just try very hard to carry on living.

Bear in mind that grieving takes time and there are no shortcuts.

There is no single way of coping with grief that works for everyone.  Below are a collection of ideas that may help you.  Choose those that appeal to you and discard the rest.

1.  Cry as much as you need to for as long as you need to, and let the emotions out.  Be as weak as you want.  Bottling the feelings up serves no purpose.  In fact if you do that, your relationships with other people will suffer.

2.  Do not feel guilty about what happened.  There is nothing you could have done to prevent the tragedy from happening.  And there is no way of changing the past.  If you dwell on why it happened and what you could have done differently, coping will be even more difficult.

3.  Many people find comfort in God and the church.  The book of Psalms may be helpful.  If you belong to a church, the members of the congregation will be especially supportive at this time.

4.  Spend some time alone with the pain.  But also stay connected to others.  Grief is too big a burden to carry alone.

5.  Ask for help when you need it.  In the beginning there will be logistical things that need to be handled, for example arranging the funeral.

6.  Accept hospitality and generosity from others.  People want to help and feel needed.  Some day the roles will be reversed and you will be the comforter.

7.  Get the family together and take turns talking about your feelings.  Together you will remember good times and through the tears, will even laugh.

8.  If the family is scattered geographically, arrange a time when you can phone each other every day.  You will look forward to that constancy.

9.  Being able to speak freely to someone who understands and cares makes a huge difference.  It may be a close friend.  It may be a stranger who enters your life and plays an important role in your healing.  Be open to everyone.

10.  Join a support group where you will have the opportunity to share your experience and feelings with others.  They may not know you, but they have gone through something similar and understand how you feel.  The hospice organisation have some wonderful programs that can help with your recovery.

11.  If you can't find a bereavement group in your area, join one on the internet.  You will be able to speak to like-minded people at any time of day or night.  You may prefer a smaller more intimate group rather than a large one.  Or it may not matter.  Start by reading what other people have written.  Then when you feel comfortable, join in.  The group will welcome you.

12.  If you still feel overwhelmed, consider seeing a counsellor or life coach who specializes in grief.  The family could even go together - there is little point in you healing while the rest of the family is still distraught.

13.  Express your feelings in writing.  A journal can be a wonderful outlet.  We are not talking about grammatically perfect and well constructed sentences.  This is stream of consciousness writing, writing down whatever comes into your mind.  You are the only person who will see this.  Later on you may want to go back and read what you have written.

14.  Write thank you notes to everyone who helps you.  Instead of feeling helpless and alone, you will feel grateful for all the love and support you receive.

15.  Read about grief and bereavement.  There are a multitude of grief recovery handbooks that will help ease the pain.

16.  Have inspirational reading like When the Storms Come on hand.

17.  Was there something that mattered to your loved one?  A project he or she started?  You could carry on with their work and make it a reality.

18.  Help others.  When your attention is focussed outside of yourself, you will meet people worse off than you.  By helping them you make a positive difference to their lives, and it actually has a positive effect on your life.

19.  One woman had the ashes of her late husband put into a teddy bear which she cuddled as she cried herself to sleep.  The teddy bear also accompanied the family on holidays so her husband continued to be part of the family.  This way of coping may not suit everyone, but it worked well for this family.

20.  Keep a normal routine.  Wake up, bath or shower, get dressed, have regular meals, go to bed.  The familiar feel of a routine helps you cope with the disruptive events and emotions you will experience.

21.  Avoid making big decisions.  In a year's time if you still want to sell the house and move to a different country, then do so.  But don't rush into anything major.

22.  Take care of yourself by eating healthily.  Grieving is stressful and hard work.  Avoid the temptation of numbing the pain with food and alcohol.  It will just prolong the grieving process and at the end of it you will have the additional problem of being overweight or being an alcoholic.

23.  On the anniversary of your loss do something special to commemorate your loved one.  It will be a difficult day, as will major holidays and birthdays.

No matter what pain you endure while grieving, you will survive.

Afterwards you will be different and your priorities may change.  You will miss your loved one, but they will always be alive in your heart.

May God be with you.

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Feel free to reprint this article in its entirety without changing the content and include this box.  For more on coping with grief visit us at http://InspiringDevotional.com

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