Coping with grief during the holidays
 Coping with grief during the holidays hits you badly, especially in the first
year of losing someone special.
Unexpected rushes of emotion and sadness appear, no matter how long ago the loss occurred. The intense pain of
grief passes, but you miss your loved one forever.
This advice below may help you:
1. Thinking of spending the holidays alone fills you with panic. Accept things are different now and plan ahead
- what you'll do and who you'll spend time with.
2. You may choose to not celebrate the holiday and instead, spend a quiet day at home alone. Family and friends
will worry. But asking them to bring you a plate of food from their Christmas lunch, for example, will go a long
way to reassure them you are alright.
3. Consider starting new traditions and rituals. But before you do, get input from the rest of the family. They
also experienced the loss and would want to be involved. Respect each other's feelings and the fact that people
express their grief differently.
4. When coping with grief during the holidays, be realistic about what you can and can't do. As far as possible,
decline invitations where you feel any sort of obligation.
5. Be kind to yourself and take things slowly, going one day at a time. Eat nutritious meals regularly and rest
when you need to, especially if people expect you to be the "strong" one.
6. Don't force yourself to get into the holiday spirit if you don't feel like it. And cry when you want to;
tears form part of the healing process.
7. The opposite also applies. When enjoying yourself, don't feel any sense of guilt. The person who died would
love to see you smiling instead of suffering.
8. While spending time with close friends and family, mention your loved one's name. Talking, sharing stories,
laughing and crying form part of the healing process.
9. Light a candle in remembrance of the deceased over the holidays. It reminds you of the love you felt for each
other and which lives forever in your heart.
10. When my father died, we arranged with our local botanical society, to have a wooden bench with an
inscription, "In loving memory of ..." set up beside a pretty water feature in the gardens. My father loved the
tranquility of this spot. Now when I sit admiring the water rippling over the rocks, many years later, the bench
serves as a tangible reminder of my dad's presence.
Coping with grief during the holidays is particularly difficult. I hope these suggestions help you, and wish you
strength.
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