Explaining death to children

One of the hardest lessons for a parent, is explaining death to children.

Whether a family friend, a relative or a pet dies, how does a parent best explain this to children without frightening them?

Although you want to protect your children, they sense your grief. They need to know they're not responsible for the event or for your sadness. Keeping your explanation simple but honest, dispels their fears while still lets them acknowledge their feelings.

Experts agree the best way to handle death - no matter how young the child - is to tell the truth.

By hoping to protect them from the grief they experience, it may be tempting for an adult to say the relative went on a trip, or the pet ran away. However, kids are smart. They pick up on the emotions of others, and may become insecure about the possible 'disappearance' of other loved ones.

Sharing your grief, by telling your children that the pet or loved one has died, permits them to grieve as well. They won't blame themselves for the loss if you explain the pet or person was ill. Children grieve too and in their own way, need to say goodbye.

Without going into detail, reassure your children that such severe sickness is uncommon and neither you nor they will get that sick.

If the person was old, tell your children you'll be around for a long time and they don't have to worry. If a pet dies from old age, tell them pets don't live as long as people.

While you may or may not go into details about your beliefs, avoid euphemisms that could confuse your children. 'Passed on', 'went to sleep' or 'put down' are likely to frighten children and may create the impression they could also die in their sleep.

When explaining death to children, be prepared for a variety of responses and don't force your expectations onto them.

Young children may actually respond more to your grief than the actual event. They sense changes in routine, so make as few changes as possible. Teach them life goes on, and with time, the pain will lessen.

Related article:

Explaining death of a pet to children
Explaining death of a pet to children needs to be handled delicately but honestly. Guidelines for different ages and what they can deal with.