Tips on delivering a eulogy

If called upon to speak at a loved one's funeral, these tips on delivering a eulogy may help you.

Practise delivering your eulogy

Practise standing up and giving the eulogy, over and over again. Without learning it off by heart, become so familiar with it, you can deliver the general tone even if the words come out slightly differently each time.

Hold notes in case you need them - either the whole speech written or typed out, or just notes on handy index cards. Use big, clear text and number the pages or cards.

Decide where pauses would occur naturally and mark those points in your notes. Also remind yourself to slow down.

Drawing a little smiley face next to a happy memory might help you.

What to wear

Whether delivering the eulogy or attending the funeral, wear loose, comfortable clothing.

No longer is black the norm for funerals. Any solid somber color will do. Nowadays people focus more on celebrating life than mourning death.

Freshly laundered, well-pressed, conservative and smart sums up the dress code. You're there to honor the deceased, not to show off.

Wear shirts with collars and sleeves, in other words no T-shirts, bare midriffs, bright prints, anything too tight and shabby blue jeans.

If you're giving the eulogy, man or woman, suits work best. Ties add a nice touch, as do simple classic length skirts or dresses for ladies.

What else?

Have a bottle of water on hand.

Tips on delivering a eulogy

Despite being a seasoned orator, standing up and delivering a eulogy is stressful because you're also trying to manage your emotions.

Refrain from imbibing alcohol or popping pills beforehand to calm your nerves.

Don't apologize about your eulogy. Stand tall, speak confidently and proudly share your memories of the deceased.

Breathe deeply, relax, think of the person you're commemorating, and speak from your heart. Don't try impress the audience. You're all there to honor the deceased and they'll be accepting and compassionate.

When nervous, you tend to speak quickly, so make a point of speaking slowly. Give the audience time to digest what you say.

Being composed while delivering your eulogy shows strength and bravery. Your responsibility and obligation to your loved one calls for you to remain in control and lead by example, accepting their death rather than wailing uncontrollably. A eulogy is not the time for you to show off the extent of your grief.

If overcome with emotion, pause, take a deep breath, gather yourself, and proceed. Repeat something like, "I owe it to Sarah," when you find yourself wavering. Write it at the top of each page to remind you.

If you become overly distraught and cannot continue, ask a backup person to take over. Give him a copy of your speech beforehand. In fact giving a copy to one or two people may prove useful in case you forget yours, a page flies away, or you spill coffee on it beforehand.

When standing in front of the audience, look at them as groups with different intensity needs. Immediate family sit in the front row. They deserve the most from you, so focus your attention on them. The next band comprises the front third of the room, and they deserve some attention. The rest of the room deserves a little, and the community the least.

When you deliver your eulogy, talk to the audience as though they're your friend. Make them part of the tribute. Get them involved, laughing and crying, happy to share this memorable occasion with you.

Record the eulogy so you can circulate copies afterwards. They may be a source of comfort to others, and will interest future generations.

I hope these tips on delivering a eulogy proved helpful.

Best wishes to you and yours.